Reconnecting with the mystery of Christmas.

I am struggling to feel engaged with Christmas this year, and I don’t know why. Over the last few weeks, I have written and reflected on the consumerism and the increase in charity we often see at this time of year. You can find that reflection on the Leeds Church Institute blog.

On my way home from work, I've noticed a stark contrast between those heading out with friends, going shopping, or attending carol services around the city, and those seeking shelter in shop doorways and on street corners. One of the biggest contrasts has been in my interactions. It would be an overgeneralization to claim that every Christmas shopper has been rude and impatient, and likewise, every person on the streets has been polite and friendly, but this largely reflects my experiences over the past week. I've also observed many online discussions lamenting how Christmas services have become more cultural events than acts of worship. I can't shake the feeling that something is missing in our engagement with Christmas and with each other.

For the first time in years, I haven't been involved in leading or playing at any services during Advent or Christmas. This feels a bit unusual, although I can't say I've particularly missed it. I'm out of my usual routine for this season. Instead, I've focused on planning work concerning poverty and marginalization for 2025, which probably accounts for my increased awareness of disparities and injustices.

My present studies could be affecting me, as they direct my attention more towards the historical accuracy of the Nativity Accounts instead of the meanings and symbolism of the stories. Additionally, I feel quite uncomfortable with the Victorian moralizing found in many carols, which might explain why I've had difficulty engaging this year.

Finally, and this is the ADHD, I’m finding it all a little overwhelming, there are too many lights, it is all a little too bright and far too noisy. (If I hear “Do they know it's Christmas” one more time I may explode.) There are far too many people just milling about and all I want to do is get home. Where I might often be tempted to go and have a quiet pint and read a book there are too many people. When I have arranged to meet with friends it has been exhausting just trying to focus on that conversation while filtering everything else out.

A part of me just wants to get through Christmas, but another part desires to find the peace and tranquility at its heart, to be amazed by the mystery of incarnation. In “God is in the Manger”, Dietrich Bonhoeffer explores the lack of mystery in modern life and how our craving for control and order prevents us from engaging with the world beyond the superficial and quantifiable.

“Ascension Joy- inwardly we must become very quiet to hear the soft sound of this phrase at all. Joy lives in its quietness and incomprehensibility. This Joy is incomprehensible, for the comprehensible never makes for joy.”

Perhaps in focusing only on the historical aspects of the Nativity story and the injustices I observe on the streets of Leeds, I have neglected to embrace the mystery, which is essential for its meaning and is where I am most likely to encounter God.