For as long as I can remember I have had a fairly short temper. As a teenager it was particularly bad and got me into trouble at school. As an adult I think it is fair to say that it has at least played a part in the breakdown of several relationships.
It's never obvious at first, I have learned how to mask quite well and it takes a long time before I trust someone enough to relax. It kind of feels a little Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, and I get why people find it upsetting and more than a little scary. It's possibly worse that it doesn't last for very long.
I don't think it is ever entirely rational and is often based on a misperception or misunderstanding, particularly if I feel attacked or criticized. This is particularly strong if it feels like someone is telling me I'm lazy. From a lot of the reading I've done, it is essentially a trauma response and one that seems very difficult to unlearn.
There are a few tricks that have been suggested, sadly however they don't seem to apply to real life. Breaking off a conversation to go for a brisk walk is unlikely to be well received, the same goes for listening to music or playing an instrument before responding. In fact I suspect that these might often make the situation worse.
I do often use playing the piano as a means of calming down and dealing with emotion, and it is a good thing for me to do when feeling overwhelmed. At the moment I'm kind of stuck as to how to deal with it. I want to unlearn it, I hate it when people I care about feel like they have to walk on eggshells around me. It kind of make me wish that I could just go back to masking, even though I know it is not sustainable. Knowing what is going on does help a little, but is not in itself a solution. I'll let you know if I do find a solution as I suspect quite a few other people are also looking for one. However, before you ask, No I have not tried yoga!
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